These past two weeks have been like living life on a roller coaster of emotions. My ex-husband died on the 9th and since then, I have been faced with sorrow for his soul and anger that he chose to be selfish and reject his children. Sorrow knowing that the man I once loved moved out and on to become bitter and cruel.
My youngest son cried once. I think it was more out of sorrow for what should have or could have been and the loss of what might have become.
The man who died had been reduced to faded memories and a dollar sign. He chose to be nothing more than a memory, and nothing more relevant than the child support he paid. It was his choice. His Life. Yet it is my anger towards his actions that I still grip tightly and the ‘why’s’ that will never be answered.
People say “why be upset? He was only your ex.” As if the word “only” is a qualifier of who is worthy to be mourned.
There are no “only’s” in the eyes of God. He didn’t look at us and ask himself. “why be upset if they are lost? they’re only sinners.” In His goodness, love, and mercy he released Grace to us.
Yes, I cried. I rode that roller coaster. I mourned for a soul that may be lost but I also trust God that He is Holy, Just and Good.
Wherever my former husband is at this moment is for God to decide. As for me,
I release my anger and Let go of Life on the roller coaster.